MONDAY, March 8

I wonder why we're afraid to believe.

In my own experience, it isn't so much that we're afraid to believe, it's that fear is so pervasive and all-powerful that it makes it very hard to believe. I was almost going to write "impossible to believe," but with God all things are possible.

This meditation really speaks to me. I've also heard it said that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's fear. The idea is similar, that when we're deep in the fear, we find it very hard to open ourselves in the way that love requires. God, give me the courage to trust you, to give up my fear, to grow in love and belief.

I think we may be afraid (at least I am) to believe fully because if you throw your whole being into believing, and things or situations or whatever don't work out right or to your liking, you'll be afraid to believe in anything again. I guess we have to get past that and believe even when we're afraid to believe.

I have a deep belief and faith in God and have seen His hand throughout my life, yet at times I am gripped by fear and wonder if my faith is wavering. I have to stop myself and remember all the good that God has brought to my life even if the path to that good was strewn with trials. I remember that even the Apostles who walked with Jesus and were first hand witnesses to Jesus' good works and miracles often suffered a lack of faith and were gripped by fear more than once. God knows this weakness and just when I begin to feel that perhaps He's not listening, His hand is revealed to me once more when I need it most and my faith becomes stronger than it was the day before.

I think it not so much that we are afraid to believe, but it is hard to contemplate "things unseen". We are very much a people of "see it, believe it". Perhaps this is why Jesus said the WORK is to believe. An I wonder, how do we do this work now?

I realized that the economy and other influences had led me into a fearful spirit for much of 2009 and into 2010, so I prayed about it and then gave up fear for Lent. This reading was affirming. Now I am once again aware of the blessings that continue to flow into my life.